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Birth +7 years and other saturday things

This weekend was a busy one and with everything we got up to, I would think that I would be dead tired on Monday but weirdly enough I felt refresh and happy to be alive.

Friday night we did not do much as Lorelai had a Voortrekker day camp and we just chilled at home.

Saturday morning it was get up at 06:15am to get ready and head to Wemmershoek (Franschoek area) to drop Lorelai off for her day camp. It’s a 40 min drive from home and she needed to be there at 08:00am. We made it with loads of time to spare and the excitement in the car was contagious. Lorelai loves Voortrekkers and any opportunity to camp just makes her super super happy.

After registering the kids, I started chatted with some of the other moms, until this tall, strange lady came walking in my direction, Adele clearly knew her and this women greeted me like she knew me and then hugged me. She looked familiar, but I could not place her. And just as she started to say her name it all came flashing back to me and I placed her immediately… We met 7.5 years ago at Louis Leipoldt hospital’s maternity ward where we spent 2 days in the same room lying next to each other. That was the last time that I saw her and spoke to her. Adele and I, every so often speak about her.

Background story on Adele and myself… We also met that same day and we all shared a room with another lady as well. Then we ran into each other once I think over the years until last year that our girls were in the same class in grade R and decided to become best friends. Adele and I have been good friends ever since.

Anyway back to the other lady….

She had a little boy and he also does Voortrekkers but for a different Kommando than ours, but she lives near us. We ended up drinking our left over coffee in the parking lot and chatting like not one day has passed. We obviously made plans to get together soon and exchanged numbers – just to realise I already have her number on my cell.

We took a photo of the 3 of them together. We now regret not taking a photo at birth – I mean even just having this photo with the memories is so very special.

Birth to 7 years2

I spent the rest of Saturday with Amandalynn or should I rather say Amandalynn spent it with me doing errands and quick coffee visits… Quick rundown of our day…

  • Left Wemmershoek to have a quick coffee with a friend you stays at Drakenstein Prison grounds (her husband is a guard).
  • Drove 40 min towards home, made a quick stop at Bunches for Africa in Brackenfell to pick up some thing we needed for my hampers.
  • Quick stop at home to use the bathroom and pick up a shopping list etc.
  • Headed to Makro to buy groceries as well as hamper items.
  • Made a stop at our local corner shop to withdraw some cash and buy siggies.
  • Pit stop at my mom’s house to drop off some things and pick up a loaf of bread that she baked. Obvs dropped things off and forgot the bread.
  • Coffee at another friends to catch up and drop off Amandalynn’s Voortrekker vest to have her badges worked on.
  • Quick stop at Pick n Pay to buy last things I needed and dog food.
  • Stopped at my house at 15:45. So we spent the entire day in the car or in shops…
  • I started doing some washing and cleaning, only to get back in my car at 17:30 to pick Lorelai up from her lift club from Wemmershoek and pick up my besties kids, so she and her husband can have a date night and I can spend some time with the kids. On my way home from those, I realised that we need more dinner options and stopped at Pick n Pay again, four kids in tow and then finally headed home…
  • We spent the night eating Pizza and watching movies – 3 of the four kids passed out even before the movie was over.
  • Sunday morning we got up early and headed to church – again 4 kids in tow. The eldest kids were deposited in their Sunday school classes and the 4 year old chose to rather sit with us in church. 10 minutes in she was starting to get a bit bored and I walked with her to her Sunday school age class and she was good with checking it out. I promised to stay with her as long as she would like me to stay and as they put the her name tag on she decided that this is not for her and tears started to flow. I took her back to where we were sitting in church and she spent the next hour in silence. Not saying a word and behaving like a little lady. I was so proud of her.
  • After church we dropped the kids who did not belong to me off at home, went to my mother’s aunts house for cake and tea for her birthday and then had a braai at my mom’s.
  • My mom and Granma helped me pack 30 gift hampers for Toyota and when the day finally came to an end, we could just head home and chill.

It was the perfect weekend and even if this put is more like a bullet journal than an actual “story” I loved every minute of my weekend… You can expect many many more of these.

 

 

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Adulthood · Children · Development · Education · Family · Help! · life · parenting

Can I spank other people’s kids in the shops?

The other day I was standing in the line at Makro waiting to pay and there was this flustered looking mother in the line behind me with her I guess about 8 year old boy. It felt like the longest line I have ever stood in. Now note I had both my children with me – Lorelai sitting in the trolley and Amandalynn chatting away about this and that. The next moment I hear this little brat behind me tell his mom in a very loud and rude voice “I told you I will eat it”. I almost got whiplash from turning my head and glaring. My kids got silent instantly.

All 3 of us spent the next couple of minutes listening to the following:

Mother: You cannot have a tinkie because you did not finish your lunch in your lunch box.

Son: But I told you I will eat it later and then you WILL give me a tinkie.

Mother: no you can have a tinkie tomorrow if you finish your lunch.

Son: but I will finish it today and I WILL take a tinkie.

Mother: you will not get a tinkie, now please stop kicking the trolley.

Son: continues to kick the trolley with a look of defiance on his face – I will then just take one.

Mother: you will not have a tinkie – pulls kid off trolley.

Son: I Will (at the top of his voice)

Mother: Please stop it.

Repeat last 2 parts about 5 times.

Mother: I will call you father…

Son: I want a tinkie

Mother: pretends to call father…

Son: but I have stopped and I am good now. Will eat my lunch tomorrow I promise and I will eat today.

Mother: HANDS OVER SAID FUNKIN TINKIE TO CHILD AND HE EATS IT.

So at this point my blood was boiling. I wanted to walk on over grab the mother spank her – tell that little brat the second time she said no, that if he talks back or kicks the trolley again he will have to deal with me. But I was silent and kept myself out of their business.

At the till Lorelai asked me about the boys behaviour and commented on how horrible it was. I gave her a high five for noticing that that behaviour was unacceptable and then she commented:

Mamma as ek die trolley so moes skop sou mamma by boude slaan – net hier in die winkel voor almal ne?

Later that evening I started to think about the situation and how different we parent and then I realised all over again that kids and maybe parents need to be spanked.

Spanking is the one thing that most of us got growing up and we turned out good (most of us did), but is now seen as abuse. I was and I think it is a good way to guide a child. As a child I never remember thinking that I was being abused, that my parents did not love me, or any of that other crap you read about online these days. I deserved every single hiding I got, in actual fact I deserved more because of all this things my parents never found out about.

NEVER ONCE DID I FEEL ABUSED.

Apparently according to some study (I refuse to link as I think it is complete bullshit!) they claim that …”kids who are spanked who have a harder time regulating their emotions, and who get into more trouble”.

I cannot believe it. I look at kids (my children’s friends) and I can see who have been spanked and who have not been. I want to spank those I have never been spanked and have no respect for myself, my parents or anything else in this world and I will speak to you as I see fit, because who are you to tell me how to behave kids and the parents (especially the parents) every time I see them.

The difference between being spanked and not being spanked is a little bit of fear.

Now the study also said that children should not be raised in fear but again I feared my parents only when I was in shit because I knew what was coming and I knew I got myself into that situation. I have the best relationship with my mother and still at the age of 30 sort of fear my mother. I will not scream and swear at my mother, because she might bitch slap me and it’s just not the way to speak to your parents. My kids have equal parts fear and respect for both myself and my husband.

Don’t tell me that you cannot respect someone you fear – because then you do not understand the fear. My kids “fear” me because they know our house rules and consequences to those rules. They know if rules are not followed consequences will happen and it’s the consequence they fear (no really us as adults) because whether the consequence is a spanking, chores or privilege being taken away – all 3 are equally scary to them.

Ok climbing off my soap box now…

 

Event · Friendship · Money · Relationships

Women and Wealth Event in Cape Town!

I mentioned this event previously, it felt so long before the event and now in 5 sleeps I will be attending.

Women and Wealth.jpgI am ready to get motivated on 16 September at Radisson Blu, V&A Waterfront.

This will technically be my first business event that I am attending and I am excited. My best friend will be joining me and we are both looking forward to learning more about personal wealth but mostly how to prepare for our future and our kids futures.

There are some fabulous speakers at the event:

Women and Wealth speakers

REDEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY BY JOINING US AT THE WOMEN & WEALTH EVENT WHERE OUR SPEAKERS WILL SHARE THEIR JOURNEY TO FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE AND KEY LESSONS ON HOW TO CREATE WEALTH.

Date: 16 September 2017

Venue: Radisson Blu, V&A Waterfront

Event start time: 08:00 for 09:00

Event end time: 13:30

Ticket costs: R150 for adults (18 years and older) and R70 for young adults (13 – 17 years)

You will receive a complimentary brunch, a R100 Wealth Migrate Investment voucher to start you off on your own journey and a special gift bag from our sponsors.

In addition to this, we will have an “on the day” competition where you can win an amazing prize for simply taking snaps on your phone.

Get your tickets here -> www.quicket.co.za.

Family · funnies · Happiness · Lorelai

Being a Charlotte

Yes being a Charlotte is a thing in my house.

My great Granma was Ethel Charlotte.

My mom is Carol Charlotte.

I am Charlotte Lesli.

My daughter is Lorelai Charlotte.

I love my name and I love the fact that one of my daughter carry on the tradition of our family name.

Now if you have ever met Lorelai you will know that she look like me, sounds like me and has my personality. In our house she calls it being a “Charlotte”.

Some days I laugh at her because she will do something and if you take her on about it, she will tell you that it is because she is a “Charlotte”. She is extremely proud of being a “Charlotte”.

On Sunday we were taking about family names and I told Lorelai that she needs to call her daughter Charlotte. She looked at me like I was a crazy person and then from left field she responded by saying that she will call her daughter Charlotte Lorelai because she likes her name and then her daughters initials will be CL just like mommies.

How this 7 year old brain made such a big connection so quickly just bowls me right over.

Do you have a family name? How do you feel about family names?

Ps: My dad is HJ (Henri Jacques) same initials as his dad, My brother is HJ (Hein Jacques), my mom is Carol Charlotte, I am Charlotte Lesli, my other brother is Wihan Charl, my daughter Amandalynn Nora (Amanda for my gran and Nora for her Gran. We love family names or at least family initials.

#lifeloveparenting · Amandalynn · Development · parenting · tween

Lets talk parenting a tween

I am struggling.

My eldest just turned 11 this year and I am struggling.

She is changing so much everyday! I cannot keep up. The moods, the emotions and cycle and repeat.

I feel disconnected from my daughter. I feel like I dont know her anymore. I feel like I am sucking at being a mom to a tween. I am fweling selfish, because I keep using the word I instead of thinking of her.

Its like I have entered an entirely new world and its strange and weird and I am lost.

I think I am struggling more with my emotions of her changing than she is struggling with the change. I hate change which makes this worse because every bit of me is fighting against this.

I know I need to adapt. I need to accept change, I need to make this work for us both but most importantly make it work for her.

So this is me working on being a better mom to a tween.

parenting

The most important rule of parenting

We have been talking about children and disipline in the office a lot over the last 2 weeks and the different types of parents and ways of parenting. It got me thinking…

All children will misbehave at times, this is how they learn the difference between right and wrong. We as parents get this, but this also means that we need to discipline our children to stop those behaviors.

Now everywhere I read online, they tell me what is wrong with strict parenting and honestly I kind of get pissed off at every article. Research apparently shows that strict or authoritarian parenting actually causes unhappy children who feel bad about themselves and behave worse than other kids and this is why parents punish more.

WTF!

I can compare my children to most of the kids their ages etc. and hell I am strict, I have strict rules that apply to my children and every child that walks into my house. If you as a parent are not happy with my house rules and do not wish for your children to suffer the same consequences as my children (I will not give another person’s child a hiding) then do not visit my house or send your children over. Most children in my life, understand and respect my house rules – in the beginning they would take chances, get one warning and then I FOLLOW THROUGH on the consequences and they hardly every push the boundaries again.

There I said it! It is really as simple as that. No magic tricks, just follow the law of your word is you word no matter what the situation…

It does not matter what your consequence is, just follow through.

Go on eye level with your child, tell them what they are doing wrong or if you don’t like something. Warn them once. Use the words “If you do xyz again, abc will happen”. With older kids ask them to repeat the consequence that way you know that they heard and understood you. Then the most important part ever…

FOLLOW THROUGH

When you child does “xyz” do the “abc” immediately. Don’t give them another chance when they beg for it. Just do it. Grow a pair of balls, realise that you are the parent and do it. The cop pulling your kid over for drinking and driving will not go… oh it’s okay that you are sorry – do better next time. No they will get arrested. Because the cop assumes that in having a driver’s license you passed the written test and know the consequences for your actions.

Do your part and teach your children that consequences are real, that you stick to your word.

Ok I will climb off my soap box now…

How do you discipline? Do you count to 3 and just never get to the consequence? Or do you do what needs to be done to raise a well balances children?

 

 

life · love · parenting

When kids grow up and mommy is not ready…

I cannot believe that we are in the third school term already and this terms exams ended on Friday.

Amandalynn did well in this exam. Every test she gave me to sign she has just over 70% for each. Why am I impressed with 70%?

She did it all on her own. I did not do summaries for her as I usually do and I did not sit and help her. She kept her own study and break times without me having to remind her. She came to ask when she did not understand or needed help and she even came to as my husband to quiz her on certain things.

I am extremely proud of my little girl for the hard work she has put into this exam and the results proves that she put in the work.

On that same note I am realising that she is reaching that age where she very rarely needs my help with projects, etc. This term I have not seen one of her projects, but they were all completed and handed in before the deadline. She did not want my help, she wanted to do it on her own.

The fact that I have no idea what is going on with those kind of things, drives me crazy! These are the things I can help her with to ensure she gets a near perfect mark which will in turn increase the mark for her report card, but she does not want me to help.

I hate that I have to accept that.

I have to accept that my 11 year old wants to do things on her own.

I have to accept that she is growing up.

I have to accept that she has reach the point of being able to function independently from me (like I taught her).

I don’t want to accept any of this.

Do you have a tween? How are you coping with them becoming independent?

 

life · love · parenting

Life, Love and parenting

Welcome

Ill jump right in to the point of this blog…

I have beem struggling to blog on my original blog because I feel who and what I am no longer fits. It took a couple of months and I decided to start a new blog.

I havent bothered with making the page pretty or even upload photos or my name. For now I will keep this blog semi anonymous, at least until I have decided on the direction I want it to go.

I have been a blogger for many years and I feel that I have lost touch with my previous blog persona many moons ago, but I felt the pressure to sort of keep it alive and going because it was so much apart of who I was at that stage of my life.

I am not that young mom any more.

I am now a mother of 2 girls, one starting school and the other starting the journey of becoming a young lady and driving me crazy with all the tween nonsense going on.

I needed a new start, a new platform and a new identity… in other words I needed change. I often say change is as good as a holiday and in my personal life, that means getting a hair cut or changing around my house, but today for me that “holiday” means getting a new blog persona.

I will never post anonymously as that is not me.

I will say things that will shock you and probably drive you away, but that is who I am.

Here we wont talk about babies or any of the things that happen to your kids before they start school, here we will talk about education, development and being a happy loving positive supporting family.

So get a coffee, wine or tequila and take a seat, because my way of parenting is pretty old school and I can see the positive results in my children every day.

The Stiletto Mum

As women we should be all thinking about Wealth…

A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from yet another PR agency… at first I did not even plan on opening the email, but something told me to open and read it. How happy was I that I did!

It was about a Women’s & Wealth event being held and as a women wanting some more wealth in her life, I read a little more about the event and even before posting about it or responding to the PR agency… I sent my bestie a message saying we need to attend this.

So what is the event about? In short this here is what I received…

“As a woman, it can seem like a daunting prospect, but a recent study proved that women make superior investors. As more women are taking on the role as bread winners in their families, it is vital that you expose yourself to alternative investment solutions.

Redefine your relationship with money by joining us at the Women & Wealth event where our speakers will share their journey to financial independence and key lessons on how to create wealth.

Watch our invitation video by clicking here

Join us at Date: 16 September 2017

Venue: Radisson Blu, V&A Waterfront

Event start time: 08:00 for 09:00

Event end time: 13:30

Ticket costs : R150 for adults (18 years and older) and R70 for young adults (13 – 17 years)

You will receive a complimentary brunch, a R100 Wealth Migrate Investment voucher to start you off on your own journey and a special gift bag from our sponsors. In addition to this, we will have an “on the day” competition where you can win an amazing prize for simply taking snaps on your phone.

Bring all the special women in your life, young and old alike!

To book your ticket click here

I am looking forward to attending, not only because my bestie agreed with my… but for the first time in my life – (I) we are in the financial position where we can actually start looking at the future and not just how we are going to get through the month ahead. The idea of planning for a raining day or anything in that line has always been a far off dream, but now its not.

This event came at the perfect time.

I hope you will all watch the video and consider attending.